The Story of Haya
For as long as I can remember, I carried a deep sense of unworthiness. I constantly wondered if I deserved love or if I would always be overlooked and abandoned. My childhood was marked by the painful absence of my mother, who left after conflicts with my father. Overnight, I was left to manage the household, even while battling chronic health issues that left me bedridden for days. The weight of responsibility and the shadow of abandonment made me feel small, invisible, and undeserving of care.
Growing up, I sought love wherever I could find it, which left me vulnerable to emotional exploitation in my relationships. Even friendships often felt confusing, as I struggled to understand and set healthy boundaries. My perception of my father and, by extension, my Heavenly Father, was clouded by disappointment and hurt. Though I attended church faithfully, I often felt disconnected from God, as if His love was beyond my reach. I was a Christian in name, but inside, I wrestled with feelings of inferiority, resentment, and fear that I would never truly belong.
When I began counseling through Arab Woman Today, I found a safe space where I could finally speak my heart. Step by step, I began to unpack the layers of pain I had carried for years. With the counselor’s gentle guidance, I learned to identify unhealthy patterns in my relationships and to establish boundaries that protected my heart. I started to recognize that my past wounds, abandonment, low self-worth, and emotional exploitation; were not failures of character but experiences from which I could heal.
Slowly, I began to rediscover hope. I learned to accept God’s love in a personal, tangible way, understanding that His care for me is unwavering. Daily Bible readings became a source of comfort, allowing me to experience His presence as a father who sees me, values me, and never leaves my side. With this growing faith, I felt a shift in my heart. I could forgive, let go of shame, and embrace myself as God created me.
There were moments when I would sit quietly with scripture, letting the words wash over me like healing rain. Verses like Psalm 139 reminded me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, known and loved before I ever spoke a word. I began to journal my prayers, writing letters to God that helped me process my grief and rediscover joy. These practices became anchors, reminders that I was not alone, and that my story was being rewritten by grace.
As my inner world began to change, so did my relationships. I became more mindful and intentional, approaching interactions with love, clarity, and patience. I could see where boundaries were needed and where grace could flourish. The constant tension I once felt in friendships and family began to ease, replaced with understanding and mutual respect.
Now, I feel a peace I had never known before. I am learning to navigate relationships without fear, to be a peacemaker in my home and community, and to bring healing and reconciliation wherever I go. I no longer chase love; I receive it freely, knowing that I am already held by the One who never lets go. Haya, who once lived under the shadow of abandonment and insecurity, is slowly stepping into a life filled with love, purpose, and hope. Through this journey, I have come to realize that God’s work in my heart is ongoing, and with Him, I can continue to grow into the woman He created me to be.